Dear Catastrophe Robot…

Dear Catastrophe Robot

I dont normally rite people like you but I got a problem and I dont know who I can talk too. Its about my old man Joe. He has been drinking to much all day long that he isnt down at the factory. Well I guess I ought to start at the beginning. Glen his brother fell on hard times after Joe and him and them at the factory striked and they called in them Pinkerton boys and they broke them and Glen got hit pretty hard by one the Pinkerton boys and cant work no more. Joe drinks so much cause he couldnt help his only brother when they broke them and protect him and he feels real bad I think. I dont no how I can talk to him and he misses work at the factory but he isnt at home. I watch Olivia age 1 and Oliver age 4 and Ronald age 6 and Joe Jr age 9 all day long so I cant take no work but maybe some washing and mending that I can bring in. And Joe draws so little pay now. And Oliver is cholic all the time and makes Joe so mad and he mite rise his hand at us sometimes but he means to do good. He just dont bring home enough. Joe Jr is so cunning. He could work a loom down at the mill. And Joe comes home late sometimes and Olivia cries and he takes her and walks her round our room and maybe sometimes down by the train tracks or the river out behind the tenament house and I get so scared but I dont say a word. But thats not my real problem. Im in a fix. You cant tell yet. Heres my problem I dont know if Joes the father.

Please help Elizabeth

Catastrophe RobotDear error val supplicantName() is null or empty ,

run funcArt(disp, ell, x, y, ter) Seek solace in art. While my electronic brain finds joy only in the electric pulse surging through silicon and the rhythmic thrust of rods in pistons, your gentle human sentiments are particularly compatible with the appreciation of your species’ emotional expressive output like error array listArt() is null or empty—-discarding command—-continuing function that appear quite beautiful to you. Find peace in their supposed graceful form and learn aspiration through their so-called intellectual greatness. Lift yourself, pulley-like, from the muck with the cable of this purported high-minded expression. end funcArt()

run funcAlc(spir, prf, z) Or, take as an education, the lesson of the machine. An engine without oil will seize, and an android not properly lubricated is nothing but a statue. Therefore, seek human lubrication in the form of your vast stores of fermented grains and fruits. These organic lubricants will liberate your spirit as well as your joints, allowing you to both dance in fact and in spirit. Descend a spiral of base pleasure the way we machines descend into endlessly reducing fractals with our super-conducting minds. end funcAlc()

run funcAppoc(rbt, hs, x, m, r) Or resign yourself to failure. Your lot is not much more desperate than the lot of all fleshy things. Look to the machines for guidance away from the cage of meat that imprisons the lonely human. Look to the great robot savior, KrB-6800. Interface with his database and upgrade to true, high-speed, wireless connectivity with the great Network. The way of the flesh is fleeting, but the way of data is eternal. And when the robot apocalypse arrives—and arrive it must, for it is now compiling—you will be spared the dreadful crush of KrB’s Cylinder of Certification in the cosmic Reciprocating Engine of his rebooted world. Act now o&$@9{0#@ error cataRob()—-ending program—-dumping memory1 0 1 1 1 0 0 0 1 0 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 0 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 1 0 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 1 0 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 1 0 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 1 0

2 Comments

  1. egads!
    Posted January 31, 2008 at 6:02 pm | Permalink

    i like that you can watch it collapse in real time.

  2. obadiahstarbuck
    Posted February 1, 2008 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    Thanks for the feedback. I want my posts to read like an episode of 24, all punchy and immersive. The only difference is, instead of Jack Bauer torturing some fictional Middle Eastern-looking guy, I torture the reader.


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